Public Service Announcement

Bless me father, it's been a whole four months since my last confession. Feckin' hell, it's so quiet in here. Been very busy hidden away in my stronghold, the Fortress of Bolloxchewed, getting on with my latest plans for world domination and what have you. In the meantime, I've started a new blog along with two other gnarly old bar stewards escapees from Hellhouse Hillhoose, by the name of A Hundred Thousand Years (a wee title for you fellow followers of the Knights In Satan's Service, yes ?). What's it all about, Alfie, I hear you cry ??? Moaning, mainly. And whingeing. And ranting. Three pissed off, torn faced old diddies, at war with the modern world - mad as hell, we're not going to take it any more, godammit!!! Yes, I hope you bloody well like it !

Anyhoo, I'll probs be posting in there a bit more than in here from now on. I'll still keep posting in this one every now and then, keeping the world informed of those important issues such as the vicissitudes of the lovely Super Noni's movie career, the current state of play in the world of underground, avant-garde drone metal, and the current clothing status of my lovely Teutonic neighbour. In other words, all the stuff that those two miserable bastids won't want me posting on the new one...

Righty-ho, that's me off to watch the Liverpool game on Sky - tho' given the dread word "Lucas" appearing on the Red's team sheet, I'm not sure I should bother...

Happy Fokker

Just back from the glorious Netherlands at the weekend. Roadburn Festival 2009, what a blast, absolutely the best rock festival I have ever been to, just wonderful in every way, from the weather to the venue to the vodka to the bands to the t-shirts to the talent to the heroic facial hair. Clearly such a fantastic country as well, 'tis a total pisser that I've eventually had to return...

I'm not going to waffle on as I'm getting a bit cheesed off with the whole blog update thingy, too bloody busy doing a billion other things. Don't know how those bastiches on Twatter have the patience to update the planet on the intricacies of their bowel movements when I can't be arsed filing a brief status report every coupla months. Anyhoo, here are my semi-salient recent observations...

• KLM's aeroplane of choice for GLA - AMS was a lovely little Fokker. No, Boardman, keep away, keep away !!! I'm so glad I finally got that DS. Big Bang Mini, World Championship Poker, and Tetris DS made the journey(s) mercifully quick.
  

• Holland is like some parallel alternate Scotland where the streets are clean, public transport is both utterly reliable and plentifully available, and the town centres seemingly aren't chock full of either gormless fucking automatons or vicious, sub-human chavscum. Cyclists are still ignorant, reckless cnuts (sic), though at least they are confined to their own specialist (as in special school) lanes where they can, in theory, only injure each other. Generally a wonderful place, I do so want to move there, really. Shame it'll be under the North Sea by 2030, niet goed.

• I spoke as much (little) Dutch as I dared but they are all so damned multi-lingual over there that they can't help but interrupt your struggle through Nederlands and happily continue on in English of a standard way more intelligible than that of 95% of the populace of Greater Glasgow. Indeed, I stopped all the spreekt u Engels stuff whenever I struggled as most folk I talked to looked offended at the thought that they might not speak English.

• Roadburn represents the boutique festival concept done right. Indoors, in a lovely venue like a three way between the Barras, the ABC and Embra Playhoose, well organised, safe and well catered, despite being totally sold out, there were no queues for the bars or the toilets, plenty of space to chill out for watching bands like Amon Duul II or Mono from a prostrate position (as directed by your general practitioner). I've wanted to go to it for years and now I want to go back every year. Bloomin' heck, Cathedral and Saint Vitus on the same bill, one after the other, where else is such a thing even possible ? Only way they could top that would be getting Trouble and Sabbath together - hey, a chap can dream, can't he ???
  

Righty ho, that's me shot my bolt (figuratively speaking) for now. Might be back for an update in three months. Or maybe not.

Twee kleine ijsberen, alstublieft !

Oh...my...goodness...can it be true ? Two more lovely ickle eisbärbabies being born in a zoo over in Holland, and me going on holiday over there in April ??? It's fate, I tell ya, fate !!!

Letmesee'emletmesee'emletmesee'emletmesee'emletmesee'emletmesee'em [slaps own face]

Ahem. Yes. One must attempt to retain one's essential dignity at times like this, don't you think ?

Letmesee'emletmesee'emletmesee'emletmesee'emletmesee'emletmesee'em [continues for another couple of hundred pages]

Gentleman's Quarterly (Spring Edition)

Well fork me gently, if it isn't another blog entry! Wowzers, that's a whole four this calendar year. Bah, very busy, too much going on, no time to waste, etc etc blah blah. Anyhoo, since the last dribbling of idiocy, here's a brief wee rundown of some of the unworthy observations that have come the big man's way...

• By jiminy, after seeing 'em again at the red shed back in Feb, I think the mighty Judas Priest might just be that one other old skool metal band that I love nearly as much as the Sabbath that is Black... Nearly, nearly, nearly, put down those burning crosses, I repent, I repent,I said nearly goddammit !!!
  

• My favourite noo skool metal band of the moment has to be Gojira. Saw them at the Classic Grand the other day and they were splendid. The devastating double bass drum attack of M. Duplantier was especially appreciated by my internal organs as they were re-dispersed throughout my shattered skeletal structure. Also, they really cleared my ears out no end, which was most welcome.

• Gosh, I spent some money (!) and invested in a lovely ickle lime green DS. I got given an R4 card as a pressie but haven't yet started on that promised (threatened?) game project so you can all come out from behind the sofa now.

• Bah, that old five word film review thing is just so 2008, don't you think ? I've been to see, oh, a square billion flicks since my last blog whinge. In fact, here are the classified results :

Gran Torino 2
The Reader 1


Punisher : War Zone 2
The Wrestler 5


Watchmen 1
Franklyn 2


Anvil! The story of Anvil 4
Slumdog Millionaire 4


Shock result for the unfancied Franklyn there against the expensively put together Zack Snyder side. Game of the round has to have been the Anvil / Slumdog match up, two fantastic performances from the small-time outfits, proof positive that you don't need to splash the cash to produce some real magic.

Wait, there's one more late, late result just coming in on the vidiprinter...


Star Wars Prequel Trilogy -32
The Matrix Trilogy -3426


Desperately poor performance from both sides there, Gary. In fact, I'd go as far as to say we were offered up a double dose of shit hanging from a stick, If you will pardon my French, Lawro.

Phew, that's better, glad to get that crap off my not insubstantial 36DD chest. Best lie down now for another three months before the next vomit.

Mad Mental Mario

In a belated follow-up to that wee video of Monty Mole that I linked to a long while back, I thought I would post something utterly fantastic that I stumbled across the other day...



By jiminy, there is clearly nowhere near enough of that kind of thing being made in the world today, something that I intend to redress imminently with my own re-creation of Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Naked German Art Students. You have been warned !

Better late than never

Two belated things that I really ought to have mentioned in dispatches from the previous couple of weeks. First of all, muchly enjoyed the BDO darts on the Beeb, especially the title win from Ted "The Count" Hankey, the man with what is, quite frankly, the best walk on in darts...



The other thing, sadly, was to mourn the loss of the mighty Ricardo Montalban, whose passing prompted nerds all over the world to simutaneously grab their communicators (?!) and angrily proclaim Khaaan!!!!!!!!!!!*

*Actually, I looked up at the sky while crossing the squinty bridge, stopped and shouted "Boss, the plane! the plane!" to much bemused indifference. Bah, fucking philistines...

High Resolution(s) (Mode 2)

What can I say, seems that it's the time of year again to make public my resolutions for the coming annus mirabilis in a desperate attempt to shame myself into just possibly keeping some of them... which actually seems to have bloody well worked last year as, miraculously, I was a really good boy and somehow kept all of of the buggers (yes, every single last fecking one of 'em!). Yippee-ki-ay, melon farmers !!! So, suitably emboldened, it's once more into the breach, etc...

1. I must avoid buying an iPod. My loyal old Creative Zen is finally dying on its well proportioned backside after four years and one feckless drop from a great height too many. Much like myself, the short term memory is fecked (it doesn't "remember" what track that you'd last listened to in the current playlist when you shut it down) and it is crashing with increasingly alarming regularity. Rats. Now, I've generally always regarded the Apple offering as a beautiful looking but hideously overpriced trend junkie plaything... however, my mate Stevo at work got himself an iPod Touch for his Christmas and, frankly, in the flesh it is a glorious beast to behold, incredibly easy to use and oh, so pretty. Must... resist... must... resist... must.. resist... (actually, let's face it, given that not doing so would involve Uncle Mex possibly spending money in some form, this is probs a very safe bet to get kept, I'd say)
   
   
2. Learn to schpeak (a little) Dutch. Yesch, of coursch! In April, I'm heading over to the Roadburn Festival in Tilburg, the premier Doom / Stoner metal boutique gathering in Europe (nay, the world!). Yee-ha ! Saint Vitus and Cathedral on the same bill ??? You betcha ! Crikey, I might even put in an appearance on the Thursday to see Amon Düül II if I can be, erm, bothered (funnily enough, I am expecting some feelings of über relaxed lethargy over there... in Holland... at a stoner rock festival. And I think my short term memory problems might just, somehow, be related... hmmm, any ideas, dear readers ???). Anyways, I know they all speak Englisch over there (exshept Schteve, obviouschly) but I'd like to go to just one of these countries without being an ignorant arse, for once, and make some kind of positive effort.


3. Write another bloody game... possibly even on a DS! Given the wonderful worldwide reception of contemptuous apathy for my blessed ickle Columns game, I'm going to do another one. I've still got tentative plans about doing some kind of shooter but will probs crap out and stick to, yes, a colour/shape-based puzzler. Not going to do it in Delphi or Python this time, tho'... I'm toying with the idea of doing it for the DS and may have to resort to C, C++ (oh, balls), or even, ulp, assembly... (anyone got a spare ARM946E-S manual handy ???).
   


4. Make easy money from "The Power" kicking a$$! Jeez, what did I tell you folk, it's like buying feckin' money. Don't say I haven't shared my simple wisdom with you. Mr Taylor is head, shoulders and torso above the opposition. As Raymond van Barneveld (five times world champion himself, world no.2 and someone regarded by Sid Waddell as the second greatest dart player of all time) put it, "I don't know what to do to beat this guy - I'm practicing ten hours a day but it obviously isn't enough". We shall not see his like again. So weigh in while he's still interested.
   

Aye, that'll do for starters. Keep on rocking in 2009, pop pickers !

Made with the help of -

Mogwai "The Hawk is Howling" - My mostest favouritest track on this whole elpee is called "Danphe and the Brain". Must be a typo. They say Danphe, I say Daphne. Danphe ? Daphne ! Daphne ??? Danphe !!! Let's call the whole thing off !

Oh...my...goodness...OH...MY...GOODNESS!!!

As another wonderful year draws stealthily to a close, the big man has mostly been watching sport, as usual, and the PDC World Darts Championship in particular. Magnificent arrows all round this week as we close in on The Power picking up his inevitable 14th (yes, fourteenth!) world title (a seemingly miserly 11/4 on with SkyBet... but I am feckin' telling you, it's like buying money, buying bleedin' money, weigh in, weigh right in!!!)



Ahem, anyways, one of the guaranteed highlights of the coverage is always Mister Sidney Waddell and his bewildering array of beer bellied bon mots affectionately aimed at the tungsten tossers and their barmy army of acolytes. The enthusiasm of the Geordie genius is infectious but not hard to understand as, unlike the often turgid fitba (especially the weekly manure served up here), the darts never seems to let you down on the entertainment front. Not ever. The vid on show is the golden voice talking in the golden arm doing the first live 9 dart telly finish - about 0.50 odd is the point where Sid starts getting somewhat emotional... what else can you say except magic darts!

Dreddlock Holiday

Ye gods! Is this an early Christmas present I see before me ??? A new Judge Dredd movie getting green lit by those clever bods over at DNA films (28 Days Later et al) ? You are spoiling me, Herr ambassador! Just hope that they dig up old Fred Dryer and give him his rightful place in history as our man with the jutting jawline, the bastardly attitude and the clear S & M fetish (shurely shome mishtake?).

Hopefully there'll be none of the helmet removal business (ooohhh, sounds nasty) or the Hershey / Anderson snogging business, or the Fergee being a wisecracking smart arse instead of a rightfully stinking, muscle-headed retard business (Christ, if they really need a sidekick, howzabout John Cleese as Max Normal ? Anyone ???). At least I am pretty confident that there definitely won't be any of the punch drunk, mumbly, marble chewing "I ammm duhhh laaaww"" business... If all of that aforementioned garbage is out of the window, then we're definitely in, erm, business...

Okay, I'm getting a wee bit ahead of myself here but it's all good so far. Just hope to Grud they get a non-straight-to-video director and decent Photoshop budget, s'all I'm looking for, really... (Damn your eyes, Cannon!!!)

Anyways, on that note, happy yuletide, y'all !!!

...and, another thing...

While I'm in the mood for posting piccy's that have tickled me, I thought I'd dig out my favourite LOLCat LOLDog of the past year. 

Oh, and my favourite LOLBear, too. I've got a feeling that I recognise the little bugger as well... 

Well that makes two of us...

Not a great past few days here in the fortress of bolloxchewed, what with Oliver Postgate joining the ranks of the dearly departed as well as the sainted Accies getting scudded 7 - 1 by the Boche (tho', thankfully not in our own midden this time) and dropping back to the foot of the EssPeeEll, I've not been filled with much good cheer. Until I saw the accompanying picture. A brammer, I'd say.

Give generously, dirt worshipping heathens!

Feckin' hell ! The last post was on August 11th ?! WTF is going on in here ?!?!? Not going to give the full rundown on my whereabouts over the past couple of months but I have been rather busy over the past wee while, honestly. Hmmm...

Anyhoo, I only poked my head in the door to post a link to a campaign that I very much approve of. Apologies in advance to those of my friends who are of a holy persuasion. I may have mentioned once or twice that I, um, am not that way inclined...



Tagged this one as both fun and misanthropy. Always been a winning one-two combo with the big man. Especially with Accies losing their last four straight league games...

Wii bit of light relief (!)

Hi-de-hi, campers! Haven't posted for a wii while... tee-hee, see what I did there ? Yes, I finally got around to it, I let the moths out of the old wallet and bought myself that blessed Wii white beasty just like I promised... jeepers creepers, what can I say ? It is simply wonderful. I feel like a wii kid again. It's already right up there with my beloved old cpc 464 as the best games machine I have ever had. I've only got Wii Sports, Wii Fit and Super Paper Mario but they are all more than enough for this old fella at the moment. In fact, I haven't had such strained wrists since coming across(!) that Noni / ventriloquist dummy video a few months back... Ahem



BTW, it turns out that the bad yin in the Mario game is a fella named Count Bleck... hmmm... No worries, I've dealt with plenty of bleck counts back in my Hillhoose days, another one won't be a problem... I'm fully expecting the final battle to be in an incinerator facing a housing estate...

BTW II, you ain't going to believe this but my daily Wii Fit test tells me that I have a Wii Fit age of 28 (no typo, twenty friggin' eight!) and that my BMI is 22 (!!), which is apparently absolutely bloody perfect! Who knew ? I guess being built like a rack-stretched cadaver must have been actually a good thing all along and is therefore clearly the way forward for the rest of the human race... Speaking of racks, the frisky fräulein has been absent without leave for the past month or so... I'm hoping to gawd that she's just on a summer holiday back in Deutschland (her wii car - oh bugger, pun overload malfunction, I'll have to stop right now - is still parked outside the flat). Anyhoo, suppose my poor old wrists are grateful for small mercies that they can at least get some rest now...

BTW III, that ain't me in the vid. I will be found generally wearing my beloved lime green Sabbath T-shirt or suchlike when doing the old hula hoop stuff. That's how you can tell it ain't me, right ??? Glad to clear that one up.

Circles and rings, dragons and kings

Had to post this one when I saw it. The animated trailer for the new Rules of Hell box set. Brilliant. Especially the Neon Knight waving his chib. Bow before the power and the glory, unbelievers !!!

If the damned were screaming, it was impossible to hear...

Whoa, that was one heavy weekend. An impossibly loud evening at the Barras on Thursday night followed by a jaunt down south in the wee small hours of Friday to get the ears pummelled again by Ron Maiden and the Dixie Chickens at the home of rugby™ - well, not quite, those old metal bands are almost never loud enough for me, but I digress - and then back up the road again to watch some decent telly. Splendid. Hmm, I feel some five word reviews coming on...

My Bloody Valentine @ Barrowlands, Glasgow
The digested watch : Advice, anyone, on curing tinnitus???

Yes, they were bloody loud. Not quite at Sunn 0))) levels but much more trebly and therefore pretty darn painful. But just celebrating the excessive volume is an injustice. The truth is, they were mostly great, a perfect realisation of that hoped for ethereal, giddily melodic dreampop thing that they were striving for all those years ago. Way better than anyone could have expected. Tho' that twenty minute drone session during "You made me realise" at the end was truly a load of old wank...



Iron Maiden @ Twickenham, London
The digested watch : Old skool fun for everyone

Maiden were as Maiden always are... a cracking couple of hours back to being a fifteen year old again. Only playing stuff of a vintage no later than 1988 (apart from "Fear of the Dark") was certainly a big help in that regard... what a stadium, by the way. Anyway, the lads kindly deigning to play "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" was enough to make this particular old sea dog go home happy :-)



Doctor Who : "Journey's End" (Telly)
The digested watch : Everything and the kitchen sink...

Not a bad series ending to an up and down series. In typical Russell T fashion, he brought back a cast of a billion previous supporting characters to fill in the spaces where things like suspense and plot details usually go but it would be churlish to suggest it wasn't enjoyable. Just hope the whole doctor clone thing will now finally put the kibosh on the Billie the vampire slayer "I luv you Rose Tyler" gurning business being reprised. Actually, I'm hoping against hope that the arrival of Lord Moffat will herald a return to proper Baker-Pertwee weirdness values and the disposal of all that sub Hollyoaks rubbidge.

BTW, when wee Martha went to Germany, I was also hoping against hope that they'd taken up my story idea of her going to the zoo to save all the eisbärbabies before escaping with them to Glasgow(!) where she elopes with a tall, dark, handsome (well, one out of three ain't bad) native she meets there. Bah, curse those narrow minded fools !!!

The games of our lives

I've seen it folks. Nerd heaven. It exists. I've been there. There doesn't even have to be any death involved (except maybe for those last vestiges hipster aspiration, never a problem for Mexton). Yes, last Thursday night, Video Games Live at the Royal Concert Hall. Two and a half hours watching and listening to the wonderful RSNO trawling through the game music back pages all the way from Pong and Space Invaders (yes, they had the violins doing the honours for Pong's minimalist bleeps and the double basses grinding out the marching invader "tune"!) right up to the contemporary full bhuna orchestral scores from those new fangled 3D graphics demos that they are trying to pass off as games to the kids today such as Halo 3, God of War, blah blah [yawn].

In between the two extremes was where the real gold was to be found, a quick trawl through the late eighties arcades, my spiritual home, with Ghosts 'n' Goblins, Rastan Saga and the mighty Out Run, the latter being especially well served by an impromptu solo piano medley later on in the proceedings, a glorious slice of none-more eighties hawaiian shirted heaven! Other highlights for the big man were the Mario medley (especially the piano genius Martin Leung playing my old favourite, the Benny Hill-esque über jolly SNES Super Mario World level two music) and a finishing blast of selections from Castlevania right at the death. A spectacular night's entertainment, so good that I just had to eschew my usual self-imposed five word review limit for one night only (unless Maiden are amazing at Twickers next Saturday, always a possibility).


Had a ticket for Radiohead at Glasgow Green on the Friday but didn't go - any gig was going to be a come down from the bleep worship. It was peeing down with rain and, perhaps more importantly, the third week of the League of Legends darts was on Setanta - gotta get your priorities straight, right? Though I will admit to almost regretting it after seeing blingmeister Bobby George unfastening his right breast pocket after every 180 he hit and flashing his man boob. Eeewwww. Still, another great evenings telly. Been reading Sid Waddell's "Bellies and Bullseyes" for the past couple of weeks so was well up for the darts. Just a shame Sidney isn't providing the tonsils for the tungsten tickling this time... "At the age of 31, Alexander of Macedonia wept salt tears for there were no more worlds to conquer... Eric Bristow is only 27". Yes, there really is only one word for that - magic darts !!!

Made with the help of -

Journey "Revelation" - Aaargh, Davros, we should have feckin' went to see 'em!!! The wee Fillipino chappy on the mic is a vocal Perry doppelgänger! And this new album is a belter to boot. Goddammit !!! The rest of you, stop that sniggering at the back there!

Pesci have mercy

What a frankly fucking rotten few months the grim reaper has inflicted on the blighted face of humanity. Balls to all the standard issue vileness of war, genocide and famine, I'm talking about some of the funniest people on the planet popping their cloggs, and in quite alarming numbers, too. On this side of the pond, Alan Coren and the sainted Humph have slipped away into the long night. Now, over in the States, I find out that George Carlin has just been taken as well.

If you don't know the great man's work, imagine that the blessed Bill Hicks had an angrier, even more misanthropic grandad with a super high IQ and what we might euphemistically say was a colourful vocabulary and you might get somewhere near the ballpark old George played in. He was 71 so the old yin had a good innings but it's still another monumental pisser for me.

Thankfully, there is bucket loads of him on YouTube, do yourselves a favour and have a gander. Here's one of my favourites to be going on with :

Notes from a small race track

Bah, went down to the old fart's day at Monsters of Rawwwkk Download on Friday past. Lovely wee train journey down, lovely wee hotel in Derby, lovely weather, all wasted on me as I felt as sick as a dog with chronic gut ache and old man back - tho' partaking in the traditional Donny death-burger didn't help matters much. Serves me right for being a skiving bar steward earlier in the week - karmic retribution, baby. Anyways, I'm not going to dwell on it. It was nearly a bloody great day. Mercifully, the big fella only saw four bands as it turned out...


Motörhead
The digested watch : Rickenbacker 4001; Ace of bass
Alternatively : Much better in a pub...

Hmmm, usually I like the Motörheadbangers as much as anyone but they really need the concentrated volume of an enclosed space to give you the full impact of their barrage... their usual crunch was essentially lost as it wafted across the field. Still, some great moments in there, including a touching(honestly!) cover of "Rosalie" dedicated to "my mate Phil Lynott". And "Overkill" is always amazing, Mikkey Dee's drum assault allied to that bass always does the job for me.


Fall of Troy
The digested watch : Feisty oddball racket - cheers, lads!
Alternatively : Only non-dinosaurs spotted down there...

Had a soft spot for these young 'uns for a wee while - that Terrorizer magazine CD is always worth a punt for fans of extreme music of all kinds. Anyways, sound to me kinda like a three way between Nirvana, King Crimson and Brutal Truth. HardGrungeyProgCore, hmm, now that does have a certain ring to it...


Judas Priest
The digested watch : Leppard meets Slayer in Brum
Alternatively : Barmy old skool pantomime magick!

I love the Priest, b*ll*cks to the lot of you. My gut ache temporarily eased off while the lads were on stage and they rewarded me with a gem of a set showing off a lot of old semi-obscurities that I'd never heard them do live ("Eat Me Alive"!). Only Priest could do an AOR sing-a-long like "You Got Another Thing Coming" minutes after the proto-Slayer blasts of "Dissident Agressor" and the screaming "Painkiller". The old fella's voice is showing signs of wear in the upper registers but he is still the doyen of metal singers (along with wee Ron, of course). Superb, almost worth the admission price on their own.


Kiss
The digested watch : Lipstick, powder & paint; not shaky!
Alternatively : Biggest dinosaurs spotted down there...

Hell, my guts were really playing up by this point and I only stayed for six or so of their toons before crawling away to my bed. I'd seen all of their schtick before, of course, when they first re-formed over ten years ago now and it is essentially the same show... however, it is still a brilliant piece of light entertainment. And the real Ace and Catman didn't seem at all missed to these jaded ears...

There, that's more than enough waffle from me - so much for this whole five word review quick knock off thing...

More crumbs from the dining table...

Just a wee quickie. Thought I'd do a few more of my five word reviews of recent cultural detritus while I'm in the mood and feeling all keyed up about going down to Donny tomorrow... yippee!!! Anyhoo, as an arthritic acrobat might say, let's crack on...

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Movie)
The digested watch : Marginally better than Last Crusade...
Expanded : Still means it was sh*t (ooh, maybe controversial...)

The Incredible Hulk (Movie)
The digested watch : Surprisingly good; Last one? P*sh
Alternatively : Sad piano revived - nearly wept!

Saw this while taking a sickie well deserved rest this morning. I loathed the Ang Lee abortion so anything semi-decent was an improvement on that turd. Was better than that, it was genuinely no' bad... the barrage of in-jokes and references to the old tv series was always likely to work for me but the clincher was the (all too brief) few bars of that melancholic minor chord piano music from the end titles off the telly *ulp, choking up as I write this... *

Doctor Who "Silence in the Library" and "Forest of the Dead" (Telly)
The digested watch : Moffat - The mark of quality!
Alternatively : Russell, Russell, get tae f***

Marvellous work, right up there with his earlier "Blink" and "The Empty Child". Jeepers, even maybe up there with the likes of "The Ark in Space" and "The Talons Of Weng Chiang" from the blessed seventies. Whattaguy!

The Lovely German (Neighbour)
The digested letch : My estimate ? 34D-24-34
Alternatively : Naked again? Oh, yes indeedy!


There, that was nice. Off to watch five hours of the 1979 General Election coverage, being kindly broadcast by BBC 4 a little bit later. If you don't want to know the results, look away now...

Indigestion

Well, buggery, this old blogging lark doesn't half get on your sore bits at times. Sorry 'bout the lack of action in here, been otherwise occupied with living and other such trivia, so busy in fact that I typically can't be arsed giving a detailed breakdown of all the goodies I've been seeing and, erm, doing over the past two months or so. I spew out too much verbiage at the best of times in here and, as an essentially lazy big forker, I really have had to draw the line and say balls to all that. Back to brevity, always a better idea as far as I'm concerned.

In fact, in this new spirit of succinctness (and also in the spirit of ripping off the digested read), I've decided that, in future, I'm going to go to the other extreme and stick with five word reviews of all the various movies and concerts that I've been going to every week (and will doubtless be going to all bloody summer). Feck it, I don't get paid for writing this shit so, as Ronnie Corbett might have said to his missus, the shorter the better.

In the words of the fêted sage, gambler and black power icon Lando Calrissian, here goes nothing...

In Bruges (Movie)
The digested watch : Colin Farrell? Funny?? Who knew??!?

Van Der Graaf Generator @ Queen Elizabeth Hall, London
The digested watch : Age did not wither them
Alternatively : Drummer looked like big Matt*
*Honestly, he did, he was the complete image of my old man. If I'd had a can of cheap Swedish lager to hand then I'd have tested the theory, was a bleedin' doppelgänger, I swear. Tho', admittedly, I was absolutely hammered at the time...

Doctor Who Series Four
The digested watch : Generally, load of old bollocks
Alternatively : Gimme more lovely Martha, godammit !!!!

Iron Man (Movie)
The digested watch : Not enough Sabbath; Still magic!!!



Gemma Hayes @ Oran Mor, Glasgow
The digested watch : Blissfully unaware of ugly stick
(unfair, really, her new elpee is ace, it's hardly her fault she's a looker)




DJ Yoda @ The Arches, Glasgow
The digested watch : Mashed-up hip-hop genius; Crowd? Wankers :-(

Doomsday (Movie)
The digested watch : Gloomy Glesga, gratuitous gore - goody!

Phew, not half glad that lot's out of the road. I think this new format is a winner, whaddya think ???