Mad Mental Mario

In a belated follow-up to that wee video of Monty Mole that I linked to a long while back, I thought I would post something utterly fantastic that I stumbled across the other day...



By jiminy, there is clearly nowhere near enough of that kind of thing being made in the world today, something that I intend to redress imminently with my own re-creation of Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Naked German Art Students. You have been warned !

Better late than never

Two belated things that I really ought to have mentioned in dispatches from the previous couple of weeks. First of all, muchly enjoyed the BDO darts on the Beeb, especially the title win from Ted "The Count" Hankey, the man with what is, quite frankly, the best walk on in darts...



The other thing, sadly, was to mourn the loss of the mighty Ricardo Montalban, whose passing prompted nerds all over the world to simutaneously grab their communicators (?!) and angrily proclaim Khaaan!!!!!!!!!!!*

*Actually, I looked up at the sky while crossing the squinty bridge, stopped and shouted "Boss, the plane! the plane!" to much bemused indifference. Bah, fucking philistines...

High Resolution(s) (Mode 2)

What can I say, seems that it's the time of year again to make public my resolutions for the coming annus mirabilis in a desperate attempt to shame myself into just possibly keeping some of them... which actually seems to have bloody well worked last year as, miraculously, I was a really good boy and somehow kept all of of the buggers (yes, every single last fecking one of 'em!). Yippee-ki-ay, melon farmers !!! So, suitably emboldened, it's once more into the breach, etc...

1. I must avoid buying an iPod. My loyal old Creative Zen is finally dying on its well proportioned backside after four years and one feckless drop from a great height too many. Much like myself, the short term memory is fecked (it doesn't "remember" what track that you'd last listened to in the current playlist when you shut it down) and it is crashing with increasingly alarming regularity. Rats. Now, I've generally always regarded the Apple offering as a beautiful looking but hideously overpriced trend junkie plaything... however, my mate Stevo at work got himself an iPod Touch for his Christmas and, frankly, in the flesh it is a glorious beast to behold, incredibly easy to use and oh, so pretty. Must... resist... must... resist... must.. resist... (actually, let's face it, given that not doing so would involve Uncle Mex possibly spending money in some form, this is probs a very safe bet to get kept, I'd say)
   
   
2. Learn to schpeak (a little) Dutch. Yesch, of coursch! In April, I'm heading over to the Roadburn Festival in Tilburg, the premier Doom / Stoner metal boutique gathering in Europe (nay, the world!). Yee-ha ! Saint Vitus and Cathedral on the same bill ??? You betcha ! Crikey, I might even put in an appearance on the Thursday to see Amon Düül II if I can be, erm, bothered (funnily enough, I am expecting some feelings of über relaxed lethargy over there... in Holland... at a stoner rock festival. And I think my short term memory problems might just, somehow, be related... hmmm, any ideas, dear readers ???). Anyways, I know they all speak Englisch over there (exshept Schteve, obviouschly) but I'd like to go to just one of these countries without being an ignorant arse, for once, and make some kind of positive effort.


3. Write another bloody game... possibly even on a DS! Given the wonderful worldwide reception of contemptuous apathy for my blessed ickle Columns game, I'm going to do another one. I've still got tentative plans about doing some kind of shooter but will probs crap out and stick to, yes, a colour/shape-based puzzler. Not going to do it in Delphi or Python this time, tho'... I'm toying with the idea of doing it for the DS and may have to resort to C, C++ (oh, balls), or even, ulp, assembly... (anyone got a spare ARM946E-S manual handy ???).
   


4. Make easy money from "The Power" kicking a$$! Jeez, what did I tell you folk, it's like buying feckin' money. Don't say I haven't shared my simple wisdom with you. Mr Taylor is head, shoulders and torso above the opposition. As Raymond van Barneveld (five times world champion himself, world no.2 and someone regarded by Sid Waddell as the second greatest dart player of all time) put it, "I don't know what to do to beat this guy - I'm practicing ten hours a day but it obviously isn't enough". We shall not see his like again. So weigh in while he's still interested.
   

Aye, that'll do for starters. Keep on rocking in 2009, pop pickers !

Made with the help of -

Mogwai "The Hawk is Howling" - My mostest favouritest track on this whole elpee is called "Danphe and the Brain". Must be a typo. They say Danphe, I say Daphne. Danphe ? Daphne ! Daphne ??? Danphe !!! Let's call the whole thing off !

Oh...my...goodness...OH...MY...GOODNESS!!!

As another wonderful year draws stealthily to a close, the big man has mostly been watching sport, as usual, and the PDC World Darts Championship in particular. Magnificent arrows all round this week as we close in on The Power picking up his inevitable 14th (yes, fourteenth!) world title (a seemingly miserly 11/4 on with SkyBet... but I am feckin' telling you, it's like buying money, buying bleedin' money, weigh in, weigh right in!!!)



Ahem, anyways, one of the guaranteed highlights of the coverage is always Mister Sidney Waddell and his bewildering array of beer bellied bon mots affectionately aimed at the tungsten tossers and their barmy army of acolytes. The enthusiasm of the Geordie genius is infectious but not hard to understand as, unlike the often turgid fitba (especially the weekly manure served up here), the darts never seems to let you down on the entertainment front. Not ever. The vid on show is the golden voice talking in the golden arm doing the first live 9 dart telly finish - about 0.50 odd is the point where Sid starts getting somewhat emotional... what else can you say except magic darts!

Dreddlock Holiday

Ye gods! Is this an early Christmas present I see before me ??? A new Judge Dredd movie getting green lit by those clever bods over at DNA films (28 Days Later et al) ? You are spoiling me, Herr ambassador! Just hope that they dig up old Fred Dryer and give him his rightful place in history as our man with the jutting jawline, the bastardly attitude and the clear S & M fetish (shurely shome mishtake?).

Hopefully there'll be none of the helmet removal business (ooohhh, sounds nasty) or the Hershey / Anderson snogging business, or the Fergee being a wisecracking smart arse instead of a rightfully stinking, muscle-headed retard business (Christ, if they really need a sidekick, howzabout John Cleese as Max Normal ? Anyone ???). At least I am pretty confident that there definitely won't be any of the punch drunk, mumbly, marble chewing "I ammm duhhh laaaww"" business... If all of that aforementioned garbage is out of the window, then we're definitely in, erm, business...

Okay, I'm getting a wee bit ahead of myself here but it's all good so far. Just hope to Grud they get a non-straight-to-video director and decent Photoshop budget, s'all I'm looking for, really... (Damn your eyes, Cannon!!!)

Anyways, on that note, happy yuletide, y'all !!!

...and, another thing...

While I'm in the mood for posting piccy's that have tickled me, I thought I'd dig out my favourite LOLCat LOLDog of the past year. 

Oh, and my favourite LOLBear, too. I've got a feeling that I recognise the little bugger as well... 

Well that makes two of us...

Not a great past few days here in the fortress of bolloxchewed, what with Oliver Postgate joining the ranks of the dearly departed as well as the sainted Accies getting scudded 7 - 1 by the Boche (tho', thankfully not in our own midden this time) and dropping back to the foot of the EssPeeEll, I've not been filled with much good cheer. Until I saw the accompanying picture. A brammer, I'd say.