If the damned were screaming, it was impossible to hear...

Whoa, that was one heavy weekend. An impossibly loud evening at the Barras on Thursday night followed by a jaunt down south in the wee small hours of Friday to get the ears pummelled again by Ron Maiden and the Dixie Chickens at the home of rugby™ - well, not quite, those old metal bands are almost never loud enough for me, but I digress - and then back up the road again to watch some decent telly. Splendid. Hmm, I feel some five word reviews coming on...

My Bloody Valentine @ Barrowlands, Glasgow
The digested watch : Advice, anyone, on curing tinnitus???

Yes, they were bloody loud. Not quite at Sunn 0))) levels but much more trebly and therefore pretty darn painful. But just celebrating the excessive volume is an injustice. The truth is, they were mostly great, a perfect realisation of that hoped for ethereal, giddily melodic dreampop thing that they were striving for all those years ago. Way better than anyone could have expected. Tho' that twenty minute drone session during "You made me realise" at the end was truly a load of old wank...



Iron Maiden @ Twickenham, London
The digested watch : Old skool fun for everyone

Maiden were as Maiden always are... a cracking couple of hours back to being a fifteen year old again. Only playing stuff of a vintage no later than 1988 (apart from "Fear of the Dark") was certainly a big help in that regard... what a stadium, by the way. Anyway, the lads kindly deigning to play "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" was enough to make this particular old sea dog go home happy :-)



Doctor Who : "Journey's End" (Telly)
The digested watch : Everything and the kitchen sink...

Not a bad series ending to an up and down series. In typical Russell T fashion, he brought back a cast of a billion previous supporting characters to fill in the spaces where things like suspense and plot details usually go but it would be churlish to suggest it wasn't enjoyable. Just hope the whole doctor clone thing will now finally put the kibosh on the Billie the vampire slayer "I luv you Rose Tyler" gurning business being reprised. Actually, I'm hoping against hope that the arrival of Lord Moffat will herald a return to proper Baker-Pertwee weirdness values and the disposal of all that sub Hollyoaks rubbidge.

BTW, when wee Martha went to Germany, I was also hoping against hope that they'd taken up my story idea of her going to the zoo to save all the eisbärbabies before escaping with them to Glasgow(!) where she elopes with a tall, dark, handsome (well, one out of three ain't bad) native she meets there. Bah, curse those narrow minded fools !!!

The games of our lives

I've seen it folks. Nerd heaven. It exists. I've been there. There doesn't even have to be any death involved (except maybe for those last vestiges hipster aspiration, never a problem for Mexton). Yes, last Thursday night, Video Games Live at the Royal Concert Hall. Two and a half hours watching and listening to the wonderful RSNO trawling through the game music back pages all the way from Pong and Space Invaders (yes, they had the violins doing the honours for Pong's minimalist bleeps and the double basses grinding out the marching invader "tune"!) right up to the contemporary full bhuna orchestral scores from those new fangled 3D graphics demos that they are trying to pass off as games to the kids today such as Halo 3, God of War, blah blah [yawn].

In between the two extremes was where the real gold was to be found, a quick trawl through the late eighties arcades, my spiritual home, with Ghosts 'n' Goblins, Rastan Saga and the mighty Out Run, the latter being especially well served by an impromptu solo piano medley later on in the proceedings, a glorious slice of none-more eighties hawaiian shirted heaven! Other highlights for the big man were the Mario medley (especially the piano genius Martin Leung playing my old favourite, the Benny Hill-esque über jolly SNES Super Mario World level two music) and a finishing blast of selections from Castlevania right at the death. A spectacular night's entertainment, so good that I just had to eschew my usual self-imposed five word review limit for one night only (unless Maiden are amazing at Twickers next Saturday, always a possibility).


Had a ticket for Radiohead at Glasgow Green on the Friday but didn't go - any gig was going to be a come down from the bleep worship. It was peeing down with rain and, perhaps more importantly, the third week of the League of Legends darts was on Setanta - gotta get your priorities straight, right? Though I will admit to almost regretting it after seeing blingmeister Bobby George unfastening his right breast pocket after every 180 he hit and flashing his man boob. Eeewwww. Still, another great evenings telly. Been reading Sid Waddell's "Bellies and Bullseyes" for the past couple of weeks so was well up for the darts. Just a shame Sidney isn't providing the tonsils for the tungsten tickling this time... "At the age of 31, Alexander of Macedonia wept salt tears for there were no more worlds to conquer... Eric Bristow is only 27". Yes, there really is only one word for that - magic darts !!!

Made with the help of -

Journey "Revelation" - Aaargh, Davros, we should have feckin' went to see 'em!!! The wee Fillipino chappy on the mic is a vocal Perry doppelgänger! And this new album is a belter to boot. Goddammit !!! The rest of you, stop that sniggering at the back there!

Pesci have mercy

What a frankly fucking rotten few months the grim reaper has inflicted on the blighted face of humanity. Balls to all the standard issue vileness of war, genocide and famine, I'm talking about some of the funniest people on the planet popping their cloggs, and in quite alarming numbers, too. On this side of the pond, Alan Coren and the sainted Humph have slipped away into the long night. Now, over in the States, I find out that George Carlin has just been taken as well.

If you don't know the great man's work, imagine that the blessed Bill Hicks had an angrier, even more misanthropic grandad with a super high IQ and what we might euphemistically say was a colourful vocabulary and you might get somewhere near the ballpark old George played in. He was 71 so the old yin had a good innings but it's still another monumental pisser for me.

Thankfully, there is bucket loads of him on YouTube, do yourselves a favour and have a gander. Here's one of my favourites to be going on with :

Notes from a small race track

Bah, went down to the old fart's day at Monsters of Rawwwkk Download on Friday past. Lovely wee train journey down, lovely wee hotel in Derby, lovely weather, all wasted on me as I felt as sick as a dog with chronic gut ache and old man back - tho' partaking in the traditional Donny death-burger didn't help matters much. Serves me right for being a skiving bar steward earlier in the week - karmic retribution, baby. Anyways, I'm not going to dwell on it. It was nearly a bloody great day. Mercifully, the big fella only saw four bands as it turned out...


Motörhead
The digested watch : Rickenbacker 4001; Ace of bass
Alternatively : Much better in a pub...

Hmmm, usually I like the Motörheadbangers as much as anyone but they really need the concentrated volume of an enclosed space to give you the full impact of their barrage... their usual crunch was essentially lost as it wafted across the field. Still, some great moments in there, including a touching(honestly!) cover of "Rosalie" dedicated to "my mate Phil Lynott". And "Overkill" is always amazing, Mikkey Dee's drum assault allied to that bass always does the job for me.


Fall of Troy
The digested watch : Feisty oddball racket - cheers, lads!
Alternatively : Only non-dinosaurs spotted down there...

Had a soft spot for these young 'uns for a wee while - that Terrorizer magazine CD is always worth a punt for fans of extreme music of all kinds. Anyways, sound to me kinda like a three way between Nirvana, King Crimson and Brutal Truth. HardGrungeyProgCore, hmm, now that does have a certain ring to it...


Judas Priest
The digested watch : Leppard meets Slayer in Brum
Alternatively : Barmy old skool pantomime magick!

I love the Priest, b*ll*cks to the lot of you. My gut ache temporarily eased off while the lads were on stage and they rewarded me with a gem of a set showing off a lot of old semi-obscurities that I'd never heard them do live ("Eat Me Alive"!). Only Priest could do an AOR sing-a-long like "You Got Another Thing Coming" minutes after the proto-Slayer blasts of "Dissident Agressor" and the screaming "Painkiller". The old fella's voice is showing signs of wear in the upper registers but he is still the doyen of metal singers (along with wee Ron, of course). Superb, almost worth the admission price on their own.


Kiss
The digested watch : Lipstick, powder & paint; not shaky!
Alternatively : Biggest dinosaurs spotted down there...

Hell, my guts were really playing up by this point and I only stayed for six or so of their toons before crawling away to my bed. I'd seen all of their schtick before, of course, when they first re-formed over ten years ago now and it is essentially the same show... however, it is still a brilliant piece of light entertainment. And the real Ace and Catman didn't seem at all missed to these jaded ears...

There, that's more than enough waffle from me - so much for this whole five word review quick knock off thing...

More crumbs from the dining table...

Just a wee quickie. Thought I'd do a few more of my five word reviews of recent cultural detritus while I'm in the mood and feeling all keyed up about going down to Donny tomorrow... yippee!!! Anyhoo, as an arthritic acrobat might say, let's crack on...

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Movie)
The digested watch : Marginally better than Last Crusade...
Expanded : Still means it was sh*t (ooh, maybe controversial...)

The Incredible Hulk (Movie)
The digested watch : Surprisingly good; Last one? P*sh
Alternatively : Sad piano revived - nearly wept!

Saw this while taking a sickie well deserved rest this morning. I loathed the Ang Lee abortion so anything semi-decent was an improvement on that turd. Was better than that, it was genuinely no' bad... the barrage of in-jokes and references to the old tv series was always likely to work for me but the clincher was the (all too brief) few bars of that melancholic minor chord piano music from the end titles off the telly *ulp, choking up as I write this... *

Doctor Who "Silence in the Library" and "Forest of the Dead" (Telly)
The digested watch : Moffat - The mark of quality!
Alternatively : Russell, Russell, get tae f***

Marvellous work, right up there with his earlier "Blink" and "The Empty Child". Jeepers, even maybe up there with the likes of "The Ark in Space" and "The Talons Of Weng Chiang" from the blessed seventies. Whattaguy!

The Lovely German (Neighbour)
The digested letch : My estimate ? 34D-24-34
Alternatively : Naked again? Oh, yes indeedy!


There, that was nice. Off to watch five hours of the 1979 General Election coverage, being kindly broadcast by BBC 4 a little bit later. If you don't want to know the results, look away now...

Indigestion

Well, buggery, this old blogging lark doesn't half get on your sore bits at times. Sorry 'bout the lack of action in here, been otherwise occupied with living and other such trivia, so busy in fact that I typically can't be arsed giving a detailed breakdown of all the goodies I've been seeing and, erm, doing over the past two months or so. I spew out too much verbiage at the best of times in here and, as an essentially lazy big forker, I really have had to draw the line and say balls to all that. Back to brevity, always a better idea as far as I'm concerned.

In fact, in this new spirit of succinctness (and also in the spirit of ripping off the digested read), I've decided that, in future, I'm going to go to the other extreme and stick with five word reviews of all the various movies and concerts that I've been going to every week (and will doubtless be going to all bloody summer). Feck it, I don't get paid for writing this shit so, as Ronnie Corbett might have said to his missus, the shorter the better.

In the words of the fêted sage, gambler and black power icon Lando Calrissian, here goes nothing...

In Bruges (Movie)
The digested watch : Colin Farrell? Funny?? Who knew??!?

Van Der Graaf Generator @ Queen Elizabeth Hall, London
The digested watch : Age did not wither them
Alternatively : Drummer looked like big Matt*
*Honestly, he did, he was the complete image of my old man. If I'd had a can of cheap Swedish lager to hand then I'd have tested the theory, was a bleedin' doppelgänger, I swear. Tho', admittedly, I was absolutely hammered at the time...

Doctor Who Series Four
The digested watch : Generally, load of old bollocks
Alternatively : Gimme more lovely Martha, godammit !!!!

Iron Man (Movie)
The digested watch : Not enough Sabbath; Still magic!!!



Gemma Hayes @ Oran Mor, Glasgow
The digested watch : Blissfully unaware of ugly stick
(unfair, really, her new elpee is ace, it's hardly her fault she's a looker)




DJ Yoda @ The Arches, Glasgow
The digested watch : Mashed-up hip-hop genius; Crowd? Wankers :-(

Doomsday (Movie)
The digested watch : Gloomy Glesga, gratuitous gore - goody!

Phew, not half glad that lot's out of the road. I think this new format is a winner, whaddya think ???

Damn it all to Hell

RIP, Chuck. You will be missed, that's for sure.